My Journey Through Counseling Has Been Transformative
My journey through counseling has been transformative. Since finding a therapist three years ago, my life has improved dramatically, as I’ve addressed issues of same-sex attraction that I’ve dealt with since childhood. Though I never identified as LGBTQ, I recognized “dysfunctional things” going on in my body, mind, and emotions. Aware of these attractions from an early age, I found they were always accompanied by negative emotions–shame, embarrassment, and guilt. But behind these struggles lay deeper issues: dysfunctional family dynamics and childhood trauma that I hadn’t yet fully understood or processed.
The decision to seek therapy was entirely my own. No one pressured me; in fact, no one in my life even knows about my struggles. I live what most would consider a normal heterosexual life, and I’ve kept these personal challenges private. The catalyst that finally pushed me to seek help was a difficult breakup with a woman, which deeply hurt me and made me realize I needed support. After researching online, I discovered the work of Joseph Nicolosi, whose approach to treating same-sex attractions resonated with me deeply. I felt, in fact, as if he was describing my personal experience. Reading his work prompted me to continue searching until I found my current therapist.
During these three years of talk therapy, I’ve built a relationship of deep trust with my counselor. He’s been consistently non-judgmental and accepting, seeing in me the man I couldn’t yet see in myself. Instead of focusing solely on my same-sex attractions, he has helped me connect with my younger self–the child who was misunderstood, hurt, and neglected. Through visualization exercises, we work on healing childhood trauma. We address the original childhood wounds to bring freedom to the adult version of myself. Together we focus on emotions and bodily experiences, understanding that same-sex attractions are the symptom rather than the root. Never aggressive or forceful, my therapist’s approach centers around identifying unhealthy emotions and breaking those cycles or patterns in my life that are creating issues.
Another one of the powerful aspects of therapy has been learning about assertiveness. Before therapy, I spent my entire life neglecting my own needs for others; my parents, my friends, and everyone else came first. I would suppress my own feelings and needs out of fear of shame or negative reactions from others. Through therapy, I’ve learned that assertiveness means being comfortable with making decisions while honoring my own needs in a non-aggressive way.
I can testify that these outcomes of therapy have been profoundly life-saving. I’ve reconnected with my masculinity and become the person I always dreamed of being as a child. I’ve discovered my true self–the version of me that I always knew existed but couldn’t quite reach because I felt I wasn’t enough, wasn’t loved, wasn’t normal. This positive change is reflected in all my relationships, including those within my family. Though I may occasionally deal with some feelings of same-sex attraction, I now have the tools and knowledge to process everything that happens to me, to work through it, and to remain assertive and comfortable with my decisions. By not neglecting myself and by processing my emotions healthily, I find that unwanted same-sex attractions have naturally become less of an issue.
I believe it’s crucial for people to understand that this kind of therapy exists and that it’s a valid choice for those who want it. Seeking therapy takes immense courage, especially for those who already feel broken inside. I wish more people were aware that healing is possible and that they’re not alone in these struggles. Had I not done my own research, I might never have found the help I needed. That’s why I believe it’s important to share these stories–not to pressure anyone, but to let those who are seeking this kind of help know what options are available to them.
-Adam, Age 29
